Sr. Maria Gemma (SOLT)

I come from a family of 6–my Mom and Dad, and three younger siblings. In my family, all of us (except for my brother) have been born with achondroplasia–a type of dwarfism that results from a genetic condition that makes us much smaller than the average person. In my late adolescence, I stopped growing when I was 4’1”.

Being born with such obvious physical differences had a major impact on my identity and my relationship with Christ, and was a stumbling block to experiencing His love for quite a while. We had open conversations in my family about being different, and yet being created in love by God, who was always with us. I received the Sacraments and was brought to Sunday Mass each week. Both of my parents were the only little people in their families, and they knew how difficult it was to be the only different person. Because of this, they openly talked about their struggles and insecurities and tried to prepare my sisters and me for every new beginning we’d face where people would “look” at us.

As a little girl, I believed God loved me and that it didn’t matter what I looked like. “God made you good!” was a truth that was often repeated in my home. As I got older and became more insecure, this phrase began to translate into “You can’t complain about it.”

My experience of “the world” began to cause me a lot of confusion and pain, and I struggled to think that God truly loved me and created me good. As I grew older (but not taller!) I became more aware of the stares, pointing, name-calling, picture-taking, and exclusion that many people would direct toward me or one of my family members.

“If God loves me and created me good, then why are people laughing at me? Am I a joke? How could an all-knowing and all-loving God create me this way on purpose, if He knew what was going to happen to me?” ...These are all questions that I often thought about and wrestled with. I experienced great loneliness and sadness and did not believe that God loved me or was present in my life. I would rather be unseen and unknown for the rest of my life if it meant I didn’t have to be ridiculed as I was being. To think that God wanted to see me and wanted to know me was too much for me.

In high school, I was invited to go to our parish Youth Group, which I thought sounded like a terrible idea! I had basically written off a personal relationship with Jesus, and I did not enjoy meeting new people, either. There was too much risk and too much vulnerability. Somehow (by God’s grace), I began going to Youth Group, and slooooooowly began to turn towards Christ. I was afraid of being let down because I had been let down by so many people already, but I was desperate to be told who I was and that I was good.

I began spending time in Eucharistic Adoration, not knowing much other than Jesus was truly present, and He looked at me with love. He didn’t look away, didn’t laugh at me, and didn’t call me terrible names. Although I was afraid, I longed to be seen by Him and to be re-taught who I was, that I was beloved, and that I was chosen by Him; that my life wasn’t a mistake.

Throughout college and my early young adult years, I often went to Adoration with this same desire–to be reminded of who I was in the eyes of Jesus. Upon graduating from college, I began to work as a parish Youth Minister in Bloomington, Indiana. I believed that God would help me serve His people where my life had changed the most up to this point. During this time, as I began to grow in trust and a deeper love for Jesus, I also felt small nudges toward religious life, but I was much too afraid to pursue that. I didn’t think He would satisfy me enough, and I was still battling insecurity that I was too different or too unlovable for someone to truly love me for their entire life, even the Savior of the world...

Still, our relentless Lord had grand plans to reveal His love for me even more! While working in Youth Ministry, my pastor and I began taking students and families on mission trips to Kapeeka, Uganda during the summer. While there, we got to spend time with over 200 children who lived in great poverty, many of whom had lost one or both parents already. Yet, their pure hearts were filled with joy, simplicity, and trust in God–something I constantly needed to grow in.

In the summer of 2014, while attending daily Mass with these children, I clearly experienced Jesus calling me to be His spouse forever, while praying after Communion. This was the first time I experienced His call to religious life without being afraid, so I knew that meant something!

I still struggled with being different at times (and still can!), but my identity had been gently reshaped and remolded in the heart of Jesus...His heart which knew pain, rejection, suffering for not being accepted...everything I face through my experience of my broken humanity. In the Sacred Heart of Jesus, I found that He truly cherishes me, and desires me, as I am.

His love for me gave me the courage to respond to His call, and after many years of prayer, patience, and healing, I entered formation with the Sisters of the Society of Our Lady of the Most Holy Trinity in 2018. This past summer, on July 16, 2022, I professed my First Vows of poverty, chastity, and obedience and became the spouse of Jesus!

He continues to heal me and to pour His mercy into my heart, revealing parts of me that are further in need of His touch and His compassion. Of course, I have not gotten any bigger, and sometimes it can still be difficult to run into my physical limitations or to experience rejection from others, but I belong to the One who loves me more than anyone else ever could, or will.

In my vocation as a Sister, I desire to share this love that never ends with all of the thirsty people, who, like me, are seeking to “Come to Me (Jesus) and drink!”