Sarah De Coste
I’ve always believed in God. I was raised and baptized Christian. My mother is a preacher for the United Church, and so Jesus was someone I was always comfortable with, but I often treated Him like a genie, or a bystander. He wasn’t prominent in my life, and I only started praying daily out of fear when my parents got divorced. I was 12 years old. The wounds from that caused a lot of doubt and fear in my mind about love and relationships. I thought that love was based on how much was given, and that it always had a price. Loving God was easier than being loved by God and the thought of being married was buried and left.
I wanted to protect people and I felt like I had to be all things to all people. My perception of being a Christian at the time was simply believing in God and being nice. I had next level pride because I genuinely didn’t think I was really a sinner. I thought, "I don't murder people... I'm not really a sinner." UGH THE WORST SARAH!
My faith was like a burger with no meat. Im from Berta (aka Alberta)…Meat is life. I had all the toppings but I didn’t have the depth of reason, I didn’t have the guidance or teachings, I didn’t have the meat of truth. It was basically like do whatever, Jesus loves you and it’s all good.
I went to retreats, and attended youth group religiously, but what I found was more emotions and feelings... not the depth I was desperately searching for. In my search I turned to relationships which became impure, parties, people, and drinking. College unravelled everything. I thought that was suppose to be fulfilling and give me the depth and meaning to my life. I was left feeling dirty for not being a virgin, broken from all the pain, pathetic because of the high expectations on myself and not enough in the same breath. However all that mess led me to the Church and more importantly to Christ’s love.
Nine years ago on Corpus Christi I had a conversion. I experienced Christs true presence in the Eucharist and asked a friend after mass how to become Catholic. (obviously more to say but you have to tune in for that on Sunday at 9 pm EST).
In my pursuit of becoming Catholic I overcame myself, satan, and judgements.
I was confirmed on June 11, 2011 and served on NET Canada @netcanada that August. My first year being Catholic set an incredible foundation to my faith and what brief and almost safe moments I had of suffering prepared me for the season of suffering to come which lasted years….yes YEARS with an S.
Within this season my battle with clinical depression reached new heights (COUNSELLING IS THE BOMB AND EVERYONE NEEDS TO GO). I experienced heart break through many things from rejections to schools, ministries, jobs, a rough break up with a man who I had gone engagement ring shopping with, emotional abuse from friends and boyfriends which all led me to a deeper understanding of self worth found through Christ’s eyes, forgiveness, healing and trust in God.
All my plans had shattered around me and yet it was in that chaos that God spoke so deeply into my heart that I have never been the same. I experienced the reality of how little love I was accepting from God while in Australia while backpacking.
I lived in Ottawa for a stint and I’ve been back in Alberta for two years, returning to youth ministry. I am dating an amazing man I never thought I would have even given the time of day to. I've travelled alone, I’ve known love and loss, I fought a dingo, I laugh too much when its quiet, I cry very easily, and self acceptance is as important as self love. I’m 28, proudly Catholic and I hope ya'll ask hella questions because it’s more fun that way. Legit ask me ANYTHING no cap.