Noah Runstedler
The Catholic faith is something that we all need to make a decision to either want or not. And wanting this faith does not mean calling ourselves Catholic and just going through the motions of receiving the sacraments. Wanting this faith consists of committing ourselves to a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and a love for the Church through scripture and tradition. Every cradle Catholic comes to a point in their life where they need to make the decision to either want a personal relationship with Jesus or not. As for myself I realized that I needed to make this decision.
Growing up in a Catholic family I enjoyed going to Church, receiving the sacraments, and praying with my family. But as I got older, I started to have questions and doubts about the faith. Not seeking the answers led me into a resistance to pray, a resistance to love others, and a fall into habitual sin. In grade nine and ten I fell into this stage of calling myself Catholic but not wanting a personal relationship with Jesus. The more I resisted prayer and fell into sin the further I drove myself from God. I experienced this isolation through feeling empty, unhappy, and belittling myself.
During the summer after grade ten I found myself at a Steubenville conference kneeling infront of Jesus on the altar during adoration wrestling with that decision, and asking myself those questions I never received answers for. And there I said an honest and real prayer to God. I said, "Lord if You are real, you need to show me. I have been doubting You and I don't know if this Catholic stuff is true anymore. I feel so empty and broken, so if You are real please show me."
After I said that prayer it is difficult to try and describe. I felt this great rushing wind of love and peace pour into my heart. And I heard the voice of God say to me, "Noah I love and accept you for who you are, not for who you want to be. You are My son." When I heard these words I began to cry the hardest I had ever cried in my life, crying tears of joy. And I couldn't stop crying. The Lord kept filling me with His love and mercy. That night I made the decision. I committed my life to Christ, to have a personal relationship with Him. To give my life to the Lord for Him to use me in whatever way I was called. After that moment, I knew I needed to live my life differently. I knew I needed to be all in, so I started to develop a habit of personal prayer, receiving the sacraments, and beggining to discern my vocation.
The closer I am to the Lord the happier I am. The more peaceful I am.
I know I have a Father who loves and accepts me and is always calling me to a deeper relationship with Him. And no, life is not easy...now it's harder, but it's a battle I'm willing to fight because the reward is great. Who should throw away the reward of living in ultimate peace and happiness for eternity with God?