Tanner Kalina
I’m a playground-Catholic — not quite a cradle-Catholic and not quite a convert. I first learned about Jesus when I was five years old and my mom began working at our local parish. Sister Ruth took my mom and me under her wing, and she taught us about this man, Jesus. I was sold from the get go. I wanted to become a saint.
But in the years following our baptism, my mom stopped attending Mass. “Um, I thought we liked this Jesus dude??” I would still skateboard to Mass on Sundays by myself. #rebel. There was something there in the Eucharist. I knew this Catholic thing was important.
Sister Ruth drilled into me that I needed to attend Dallas Jesuit whenever I grew up and became a big bad high schooler. So when the time came, I went.
Four years of severe scrupulosity ensued. I distinctly remember sitting in my freshman theology class and thinking, “I’m going to become a saint. I’ll do whatever it takes. I can do this.” From that day on, I repressed every sinful thought that crossed my mind — which only made more sinful thoughts pour forth. I went to confession like a mad man, sometimes going back to back days for silly reasons. I did my best to do this Catholic thing right.
They say discipline without relationship ends in burnout.
When I got to college, I was pooped. I wanted to be a normal Christian. I just wanted to live my life. However, as hard as I tried to leave the faith I could never leave the Eucharist. I knew there was something there!
At this time, I started performing comedy, and I booked a starring role in a studio comedy. This film shot me out to Los Angeles where I could chase the dream full-time. Hollywood made it abundantly clear how separate the world was from my faith. I could trick myself and live my faith half-in half-out in Texas, but there was no tip-toeing the line in California. Out west, you’re either all in or you’re far out. Through fall after fall, the Lord drew me closer and closer to Him while I lived in LA — to the point where I truly gave Him a full send.
I accepted the fact that it was Jesus who was there in the Eucharist. He became my friend, not my drill sergeant. I finally understood this Catholic thing as freeing, not restricting.
And I’ve been in ministry since — far from the saint I still want to be — but loving the adventure. May He be known in His Blessed Sacrament!
Join David Patterson and Tanner Kalina this Sunday night on YouTube live at 9 p.m. EST. Tanner will share his journey so far and will answer any questions you might have live!
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