Thomas Hammen

When I was a kid, I had no problem at all believing in God. He was real. He loved me. It all made sense.

But when my teenage years came around, shame really tricked me into thinking I had let God down. Things like being exposed to pornography, drugs, and alcohol, the pull of dating relationships - all these things convinced me that I wasn’t the good kid I thought I was. God must be disappointed in me.

My freshman year at Florida State was even more difficult, I joined a popular fraternity, landed an amazing internship in Washington D.C.. why was I not happy? It felt like I was doing all things the world told me to do and I still felt very empty inside.

Around this time a SPO missionary invited me to a retreat with the FSU Catholic Student Union. My guard was super up at the beginning,, but as we were praying before the Blessed Sacrament that Saturday night, I had this experience of seeing God the Father fighting for me throughout my whole life. Seeing all the mistakes I’d ever made and loving me, wanting me to be free. He wasn’t disappointed in me, He wanted to heal me. I cried like a baby!

I came back from that weekend so full of hope, but it was a fight to change how I was living. It took effort. I messed up, a lot. I was still living one foot in the world and one foot in for following Jesus. BUT the thing that changed everything for me was..

I had amazing people in my life who taught me about mental prayer. As I started spending daily time with God in silence, it became less and less trying so hard not to sin and more and more letting God change my heart. I noticed my desires start to change. My faith became a friendship. My faith became a lifestyle.

Today, after four years of on-campus mission with SPO, and halfway through my first year of seminary, I just want to say how happy I am! Everything has been worth it! My hope now is to share with as many as I can the habit that has changed my life: mental prayer.

If you’re reading this and perhaps you too feel like half of your life is in the world and half of your life is in for Jesus, I want to gently invite you, give it all to Him! Dare. Take the risk. Go all in for Jesus! He will take care of you. It will be so worth it. God bless you.