Ellie Marie
My story is a tale of rapid and radical conversion which began just a few years ago.
Until recently, I had been living in a state of mortal sin. Willingly living a life separated from God. I wanted nothing to do with Jesus, religion or the Church. I had no desire to keep His Commandments or live in a virtuous way. Satan had such a strong and palpable hold on me that I couldn’t even enter a church without becoming physically ill.
So what am I doing here? How did I get from one end of the spectrum to the other? Almost every story of major conversion which involves someone transforming from “mortal sinner” into “striving saint” has one major thing in common…And my story is no exception.
The answer is Mary. Here’s my testimony.
As an infant, I was baptized into the Antiochian Orthodox Church (my dad is Orthodox, my mom is Catholic…more on this later). My parents did everything right. We went to church on Sundays, I attended a Christian school, and they taught me all about morals, values and good faith.
But growing up, I was different than the other kids. I was the quiet outcast, with an awkward appearance and passive personality. I was the perfect bully magnet and I suffered many physical and emotional assaults throughout my youth. The attacks got so severe that I sustained a concussion and a broken nose. The repeated humiliation, hurt, and shame led me to believe I was unworthy and undesirable, even though my family always showed me unconditional love.
By the time I got to high school, I had grown into myself a bit more. I excelled academically, found a nice group of friends, and remained pure and innocent for the most part. Although I was given a firm moral foundation as a child, I could feel a wild side cultivating deep within. My parents noticed some rebellion coming through, and they tried keeping me grounded in faith and virtue. I obliged, but felt myself becoming more and more resistant.
I graduated from high school at the top of my class, and attended UCLA for college. I went from straight A’s to straight F’s my freshman year. I spent most of my nights partying, and most of my days recovering. I finally felt attractive and desirable. Girls wanted to be my friend, boys wanted to date me, and I was the life of the party. Throughout college, I eventually figured out how to balance academics and a raging social life, but my curiosity for worldly passions only continued to escalate.
Right after college, I was accepted into nursing school and moved to San Francisco where I didn’t have any friends, family, or community. All the social “progress” I made in college was gone, and I quickly became depressed. I felt lonely, undesirable, and unworthy, yet again.
Satan saw my weakness as the perfect opportunity to deceive and seduce me until he had total control over me. I made one bad decision after another, and had no regret. I found ways to self-medicate and numb the pain at whatever cost. This is where things got dark. Really dark. I’m not talking about minor slip-ups and venial sins. I’m talking about the kinds of sins that will separate you from God for eternity.
I was living a life so separated from the light of God that all I could feel was raging darkness. I despised going to church, and I was constantly under demonic attack. This piece of my testimony may be shocking to those who have known me for years since I kept this part of my life incredibly hidden. I was able to maintain an appearance of normalcy to the outside world.
The severity of my sins intensified even more after grad school, and carried into my married life shortly after that. By the grace of God, we had a baby in 2017. And in 2018, my mom strongly encouraged me to baptize our daughter. I still wanted nothing to do with God or religion, but I couldn’t say no to my mom. I took her advice and went through the motions of becoming Catholic so I could get the job done. It was a relatively quick and easy process since I was already baptized, confirmed and had received communion in the Orthodox church as a baby.
Even after my official conversion to Catholicism and the baptism of my daughter, my heart was unchanged. I continued living in a state of sin and never went to mass. My life was still a total train wreck.
It wasn’t until the fall of 2019 that things began to change. My mom and our dear family friend started “Miraculous Revival,” this incredible, life-changing Catholic ministry, bringing new to life old Miraculous Medals & Sacramentals. My mom was so excited and brought me a Miraculous Medal. Sadly, I laughed in her face. I had no idea what this medal was, and thought it was ridiculous. But I said “yes”.
I put the Miraculous Medal on….and I never took it off. It was HERE that my life changed forever.
That simple “yes” sparked the entire conversion of my heart, mind, body and soul. After my “yes” to the Miraculous MedaI, I said “yes” again…to prayer, to Mass on Sundays, to the Rosary, to Novenas, to Marian Consecration, to Adoration and finally directly to Jesus in the Confessional. My overall transformation took about 2 years, and while there were ups and downs, I always felt protected by Our Blessed Mother.
Last August, I went for a General Confession of my life sins. That was the day I purged my life of everything impure from vices, music, clothing and any remaining sinful activities I held onto from my past. After an hour of confession, my priest looked at me and said “Wow, that was one of the best confessions I have ever heard in my life.”
And this proves my point…that the most radical conversion stories always involve Mary. Where there is sin, there is Satan. And where there is Satan, we need Mary. She is the ultimate antidote to the evil one. Mary not only crushes Satan, but she leads us in the most perfect way to Her Son. I firmly believe that the Miraculous Medal blinded Satan as soon as it went around my neck. Because for the first time in my entire life, I longed for Jesus.
God allowed me to sin and suffer for a reason, and I truly believe it is for the sake of this ministry and testimony. To share with the world that Mary is the true key to Jesus. If I can be saved, anyone can.