Madeline Gramling
I grew up in Pembroke Pines, Florida with my two parents and my older brother. I knew who God was and I went to church somewhat consistently. My family bounced between “baptist” and “non-denominational” depending on the week. The first thing that sticks out to me when looking back on my childhood is my constant struggle for peace. I can remember being as young as seven years old and battling with where my soul would go when I die. At an early age, I had a deep understanding of the gravity of sin and I knew it would take something bigger than “well I accepted Jesus Christ as my personal Lord and Savior when I was five” to mend what I had broken. I carried this pain in my back pocket for years. Little did I know, it was this deep unrest that God would use to ignite a desire in me and lead me to the Truth.
I had so many questions and no answers. I did what I could and went through the motions, hoping one day God would magically reveal them to me. My sophomore year of high school, I started attending a youth group because they were giving out free waffles. I tried to get involved, thinking I might feel something, but I was always left unsettled. Deep down I knew it was inauthentic… it wasn’t the real deal. I craved something more.
I began to ask questions. I recognized how many protestant denominations there were… all claiming to be the one, true church. But how did I know which one was right? I would look at something as small and seemingly insignificant as a leaf and how much detail God put into its creation. From its cells to its stem, it was perfect. Why would God put so much attention into the design of a leaf and then leave something as important as His Church up to interpretation?
I did everything I could: I prayed and I turned to the people I thought would have the answers. I brought my questions and concerns to my parents, my “pastor”, my youth group leaders and other adults I trusted. *SURPRISE* Everyone’s answer differed based on their own personal opinion and interpretation. I spent so many years crying out to God for Truth and for peace, but I never heard Him answer.
I decided to go to college in Jacksonville, Florida. It was as far as I could get from home without leaving the state. I was bitter and felt abandoned by God. I figured if He wouldn’t answer me, I would simply live my life how I saw fit. I began to dress immodestly, with the intent of drawing attention wherever I went. I surrounded myself with a questionable crowd and while I didn’t go off the deep end and drown my sorrows in drugs and alcohol, there were plenty of nights I struggle to remember. I just felt empty.
It was in this dark place where God met me. My world was flipped upside down when I fell in love. He was a Catholic who had ventured away from the Church, but out of a need to be right argued in Her defense. He was the only person that had ever challenged me and for the first time, I had to defend my beliefs as a protestant. I spent hours trying to find something to hold onto, that would prove I was right. When I truly investigated protestantism, I realized there was nothing worth fighting for. He was the first person to explain to me how deep Catholicism runs and that the Church can be traced back to Christ Himself who established it. In an effort to prove that Catholicism was wrong, I realized that it IS the ONE, TRUE FAITH!
Despite this discovery, I didn’t convert immediately. I knew what becoming a Catholic would cost me. I could no longer lean on the excuse “once saved always saved” to ease my conscience and live my life claiming ignorance as my crutch. I drug my feet for a year. In 2018 after a trip to the Vatican, reading “Rome Sweet Home” and many prayers later, I converted.
Looking back, I can see exactly how God was working in my life. Every person He placed in my path, every question He put on my heart and every prayer I thought went unanswered… has led me to this. I am grateful that God didn’t answer me right away. During that time of silence and darkness, God was growing my hunger for the truth and preparing my heart to hear it. Becoming a Catholic was one of the most challenging things I have faced in my life. I knew exactly what it would cost me, but this is a Cross I was and will always be willing to take on joyfully.
My story didn’t end there and this was only one of many Crosses God would ask me to bear. The person that brought me to the Faith and that I planned on one day marrying has since joined the Seminary. This was the first time I had truly been knocked off my feet and it forced me to find my Faith for myself. While each Cross has brought immense pain, it has shown me joy and has made me stronger. Today, I am a Catholic, I value modesty and advocate for the Rosary. Because of these truths, I have finally found the peace that I spent my whole life searching for.