Gabby Douglas

Growing up, my Mom’s family was Greek Orthodox, and my Dad’s was agnostic. I was baptized in the Greek Orthodox Church, but I attended Catholic School my whole life. I never had a relationship with God and always felt incredibly distanced from my faith and never completely understood the Church and the teachings. I never talked about religion and frankly, I didn’t want to.

The summer before Grade 11, I identified as ‘spiritual but not religious’. I was invited to a Steubenville Youth Conference by my amazing friend and teacher, Sister Amanda. However, as the Holy Spirit pursued me, I was hesitant and scared and ultimately left the ‪Saturday night‬ Adoration because I was too overwhelmed with the power and truth of the Church. I knew deep down that if I genuinely enjoyed this experience then things in my life would have to change, and that was the exact opposite of what I wanted. I attended Steubenville again the next year and here, I had my first encounter with the Holy Spirit and with God's love. During adoration, God spoke two things clearly in my heart- 1) you are loved and 2) everything is going to be okay. I didn’t pay too much attention to this because I thought these were just my thoughts and I questioned it- why would God want to talk to me out of all people? I went home and was still mulling this over in my head when everything came to a halt. The day after coming back home, my Mom told me that over the weekend, as I was having my first encounter with the Holy Spirit, she was being diagnosed with cancer. I was mad at God, I was resentful. As my mom was struggling, the relationship I had with my father began to mirror the relationship I had with the Lord. My relationship with my father was inconsistent, unreliable and strained. I was scared that in the end, God would disappoint me, abandon me and I would be left alone. During that same year, I returned back to my old ways of partying, drinking, and seeking fulfilment and purpose in vices that would never satisfy my needs. But this time was worse, I was involved in toxic relationships, I thought my worth was defined by my popularity, I developed an eating disorder – I was at rock bottom. I attended Steubenville for the third time, the summer before university, at this point in my life I felt like I had nothing left to give God. Seeking purpose in unsatisfactory things left me feeling alone, worthless, and empty. During Adoration, God reminded me that His Love is consistent. He proved my fears wrong, and I experienced the peace and joy I had been longing for, and after returning from the Sacrament of Confession, I came back from that conference determined to change, and put God first. I began my studies at Brock University that fall, and took a CCO faith study and once again, my faith was restored. I made the ultimate decision to put Christ at the centre of my life in that faith study, without knowing what that even meant. This decision prompted me to officially become Roman Catholic and after my Profession of Faith I knew I was home.

Since putting Jesus at the centre of my life, my life has radically changed. I am not going to pretend like since I made the decision to become Catholic and live a Christ-centered life, my life is perfect and easy. 2020 has been a whirlwind year of spiritual consolation and desolation and has brought more difficulties than ever before. Recently, I was diagnosed with depression, anxiety, and panic disorder. I had such a hard time accepting these parts of myself, I started to see myself as inadequate, unworthy, and weak. However, after coming to terms with the fact that even after conversion, suffering does not disappear, I was able to unite my suffering with Jesus’. Throughout one of the darkest times of my life, I was closer to Jesus than ever before. Through surrender, total abandonment, and the daily decision to put Christ at the centre of everything I do, I can lay my burdens at His feet. I am not alone. I have found life-giving purpose in Campus Ministry, fellowship, and embracing God’s call on my heart to live out my missionary identity and lifestyle. In the words of Pope Benedict XVI, “Do not be afraid of Christ! He takes nothing away and gives you everything”. I cling to the truth of Christ’s love for me and hope to be a witness to this unconditional love to each person I encounter.