Lauren Thomas
I was raised in a Catholic home; some may call me a “Cradle Catholic”. Our family went to Mass every Sunday and we said our prayers at night. And with excitement, I aimlessly did all these things because I was told by parents and teachers that it’s a part of being Catholic, that it fulfills my weekly obligations, and that God loves me dearly. When youth ministry came to my parish, the youth group soon became my “Wednesday night out,” my escape from home. I felt like I was doing everything right because I was fulfilling my weekly obligations and I was participating in youth retreats and volunteerism.
But as I got older, our family experienced a lot of loss and hardships. I lost both of my grandfathers within the span of a year, and was diagnosed with Bell’s Palsy at the age of 13. In trying to work through these difficulties, I began questioning my faith more. I would ask myself, “why do I believe this… why should I believe this?”
When I started high school, I started seeking affirmation and friendship in other places, even though I became a leader in my Youth Ministry. I remember having to sign an agreement for leaders and I wasn’t sure if I believed everything that the Catholic Church taught. At this point, Jesus was a part of my life because I’d show up to Mass and to youth group, but there was still a lot I was questioning.
I was a “Church kid,” but I made sure to not let my faith affect my life outside of those Church-related activities. It was the same when I got involved with the Catholic group on campus at Trent University, I saw it as a way to make new friends instead of an opportunity to grow closer to Christ. For many years I had gotten quite good at outwardly proclaiming what I internally questioned.
After a particular event in my second year, a missionary shared the Ultimate Relationship booklet with me, a booklet CCO uses to share the Gospel. He asked me whether I’d actually given my “yes” to God. I said I had, multiple times even, but that I still felt sad and frustrated all the time. He told me “Lauren, if you're so upset and still living a double life, then you haven’t actually given an authentic yes to Christ.” That hit me hard… He invited me to give that yes and I did, but I was still not ready to make certain changes in my life. So, even though I wanted a Christ-centered relationship, I still lived a double life. Jesus was the biggest part of my life, but He was just a part.
This past New Years, I went to CCO’s Rise Up Conference in Toronto. I went into it with an open mind and a heavy heart, searching for answers for what God was calling me to. One night in Adoration, I asked Him to help guide me in the right direction and told Him that I was finally ready to put Him at the center of my life. I realized that I shouldn’t fear anything about my future, and I gave my “yes” to God without restraint. I felt at home… I finally knew God personally.
Since making the decision to put Christ at the center of my life, I feel more joyful than ever, and I don’t care about what people will think of me. I suddenly find it extremely easy to share my faith with friends, friends that don’t even know He exists. I have led my closest university friends in faith studies, as well as a few of my colleagues, and I was a part of an online mission this summer called “Be the Light” with CCO. God has taken my “yes” and is running with it.